I absolutely love the wording/meaning "Just walk...LIFE" *blowkiss* and the line "fly fly shoe of steel"
For some reason I see a piper dancing down a cobblestone road.

I liked this in a chaotic, language appreciative way until the title line. Everything after the title line rang dissonant in my mind. Eh.

--
You think I only think about you when we're both in the same room.

Current Icon made with by ~ justb.

I love this poem. It's almost like you begin to dream in the "dying darkness" and then you are walking, re-experiencing a memory, the feelings, thoughts, the visions, and it all melds together and becomes a moment in the big ball of life. I like that.

--
Jy

I really liked a lot of the phrases you used in here and how some wouldn't make any sense by itself at a glance... but if you add it to the phrase before or the phrase after and read it a few times, you discover so much more about the language and the meaning of the placement of the words you use. also the line "Share your dying wish with the darkness
that forced you under." was powerful to me because it's so contradictory to the feelings that we want to believe, but so true at the same time. It's like the whole proposition of befriending your enemy... i like it.

-sara


--
A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love; listens, but doesn't believe;
and leaves before she is left.

*read priapeangeck's comment*
lol...omg that was what i painted in my head too

it's such a happy scene, it made me smile

ps. been stocking up on chai, i see

--
~82deg
confused?
Isn't it about time you seek him for the truth? I have.

.
this is very strange, especially content-wise, and i think that's the greatest asset of this poem. i particularly love the first 11 lines, where language mocks itself with a bombardment of irony and symbolism (which you rishly deliver). i think those lines are the best and offer a superb beginning for this piece. i am quite disappointed when your language regresses to a sense of "ordinariness" on the 12th line (and beyond). from then on, images became quite common and didn't really incite profoundly thought-provoking moments as the first 11 lines.

well, despite such minor stylistic complaint, i still think this poem is nicely-composed. i love the depth that you present here. unlike some of the previous deviants who commented, i don't see a wonderfully-bright picture here; i don't see any happy scenes. in fact, i see a total opposite, and quite evident from the words you use - darkness, steel, dying wish, etc. From the color you paint this poem with (indigo) to the cold temperament (suggested by night and steel) there is nothing but a sense of somber mood, coldness and even bitterness that suggestively talks about the complexities of life. your message is striking and disturbingly true.

good job.

peace.
+g

--

human rights for all

I feel it like jazz.

Well, all i can say is Frarooza indabbla cha cha pow. That was really fucking cool, the only draw back is i wanted it to be longerrrrrrr, so long that my eyes would start to bleed from the constent reading. Otherwise, i thought it was perfect and i didnt want it to end.

Feels like the end to a crazy night in the city, where you blend in and move with the rhythm of the city but then come back to your bed at night to find what you left behind waiting for you...then again we all take what we know of life and try to fit it into other people's perceptions so I could be off. All i know is that i like it, it kinda reminds me of a shakespearean aside.