First off, always a pleasure to read your work.

I'm slightly at a loss, my friend. I'm trying to figure out your intended audience.

The speaker seems enraptured with the idea of love and love for this person. They are even forced to say it directly to the reader in the second stanza. I read it as "I must make the world know how I feel" moments.

For the second stanza, I feel a transitional stage like a soul being tormented with the passions of a heart.

And the third stanza reflects the poetic design I've grown to see shadow you.

Overall, watching the piece mold from the short concise stanzas into a lengthy one only to collects back into the mold reflects the overall aspirations of the piece. The heart aches to break free and become one with the other. Even if the other heart is slightly hesitant or unable to communicate the feelings well.

If I’m the guy facing the wrong way in a ball game, that's cool, because there was lovely punctuation here. ^.^

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

I think this poem would be most effectively told to the person you are directing it to. I think it's written very 'spoken' word type format, sooooo go get'em mr. footlong sausage in his trousiers.

nah, that is completely accurate. like i said too, it was written more from the heart than for technical poetic merit... thanks for this spot on comment. i really really enjoyed it!

--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl

hahhahahahaha

--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl

always a pleasure, my friend

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb

I love the balance of calm and haste (though that may not be the word I am looking for) in this piece. The words make me feel what you are feeling in a surreal, lulling of the ocean that you mention kind of way, but at the same time there is a fervor, almost like all of the thoughts in your mind about this person are rushing out all at once, and to a point you are trying to stop them, but just enough for the result to be coherent and beautiful. A metaphor that comes to mind is someone climbing out a window and screaming to his heart's content from the rooftop... only no one is around to hear him, and he is answered with silence.

I also love the references to the old and the new. "borrowed clothes" and lace, mixed with all things shining and bright. Good contrast.

If her heart didn't swell, I hope it at least fluttered.

--
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times I'm hard to handle,
but if you can handle me at my worst, then you deserve my best."
[m.monroe]

oh it definitely swelled!

--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl

so who, might I ask, is the lucky girl?

--
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times I'm hard to handle,
but if you can handle me at my worst, then you deserve my best."
[m.monroe]

me!

and yes i love it.not only because you wrote it for me,but because i can hear you saying it. my heart is swelled to the extreme. i may be biased but i think its beautiful. i love you.

p.s. how does cataplasia know about your footlong?hmm?