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A Serving of Humble Pie by ~justb:iconjustb:



Love looks foreign from feeling,
Twisted with guilt and frozen in thought.
Having loved, I see surely that state.
Unequaled in taste as the Earth it wrought,
It drifts there with the annals of frost,
Unburdened by the vexes of weight.
As space so shrewdly goes, so love grows,
While seeking its nexus, naught.
But for this moment, could take your heart
By forming the very fate to start
And leave you with no words to cry
As no amount could there abide.
With love you have the seed for minds
To reach out to their likest kinds
And call on magic left to cross,
That sacred pledge, its solemn loss.
For love can have no magic true,
That does not start at once with you.
And if you would, your heart, deny,
Then drifting past you, let love die.
Another face there in the crowd,
Whose loving wish is not so loud.
The life of one whose visions try
To kiss the darkness at eventide.
©2008-2009 ~justb
:iconjustb:

Author's Comments

just a rough draft of a new piece

Comments


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:iconmeghanflower:
the painting to this is coming along.i explained it to katelyn after she read it aloud. she loved it as much as i do.

--
yes,
us people are just poems
we're 90% metaphor
with a leanness of meaning
approaching hyper-distillation
and once upon a time
we were moonshine
rushing down the throat of a giraffe
:iconprettyinpiink:
I think this is beautiful.

I read it once at medium speed, you know, normal read-age. then once slowly, trying to think about each line, roll it over on my tongue. but my favorite was the time I read it quickly cuz it was almost playful with the rhyme scheme, almost like I was reciting something I had known forever, while bouncing on a trampoline. if it works in all three ways, I'd have to say it's something pretty spectacular. but that's just me...

:love:

--
There are no goodbyes for us;
Wherever you are,
You will always be in my heart.
[Gandhi]
:iconimperfect:
This is quite something. It needs tweaking with regards punctuation and I really dislike the caps at the start of each new line but this is quite something.

--
It seems a fantastic paradox, but it is nevertheless a most important truth, that no architecture can be truly noble which is not imperfect.
:iconjustb:
thanks. i appreciate that. i hope to get some time to work on this a little bit and i'll take those thoughts with regard during revision.

--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl
:iconinfrunitas:
I can't wait to read the final piece.

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb
:iconinfrunitas:
I'm following the imagery beautifully. Are you planning on keeping it in that form? It flows evenly and throws it's hips just right with the punctuation.

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb
:iconjustb:
i am indeed. i appreciate it muchly. you're a bastion of support for my writing!

--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl
:icon82deg:
i love the flow of this piece...the rhymes lend it this whimsical feel. somehow reading it had me picturing a beautiful witch performing white magic, while reading this incantation...really enjoyed it that way ;)

--
hakuna matata? | daily lubbing :confused:
:iconjustb:
aww. thanks idaH!

--
"I've taken enough walks alone
to know how real nothing is."
~dystopian-dream-girl

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February 9, 2008
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